passion vs sales

stepping out to work isn't an easy feat. we have always been labelled as" you are gifted." "you are special."in schools, friends and even love ones. but when you're out working in the world, reality slaps you on the cheek and tell you" mehhhhhhh" that is how i am feeling right now.

Indeed we are special and gifted in our talents and craftsmanship, I've  never doubted these two statements before because each and everyone of us are unique and special in our ways. there are trials or tests that comes your way and make you even doubt yourself, to see if you can overcome that hurdle. i do at times, doubted my on my own. i'll never allowed these lies to get into me that i'm just another person out there struggling to make ends meet, i believe and truly believe that God has his plans for everyone, if he didn't has for us, he wouldn't died on the cross nor exchanged his purposeful life for our sinful life.

silence

It's quiet at home, absolute silence. it has been like this for days and weeks. There're so many wounds and hurts in me, even tho i chose to forgive whatever my dad has done, there's still a heavy part of me that feel awkward in this whole thing. it seem so easy for my dad to denounce everything. he loses my trust, my respect and i don't even know how to fix it. i really don't.

it has been a year..

many things has changed, the scars are still healing. i looked back for what i have exactly written a year ago. things seem so bleak back then. right now, it's a transition period that God has called me. i trust God hence that is why i wane off very feelings that i have, simply because feelings isn't important at all. Everyone trust God with a fullness of heart.

a question that i thought to myself" if feelings aren't important, why would God gives us the option to feel?" wouldn't he wanna just take it all away? Many people has different answers. some say" God dint make us to be robot, he give us feelings to feel for others." other said" feelings are deceitful, they guide you to more heartbreaks." So God what is your answer? what is your answer to this?

i simply have to trust God to move forward to his kainos for me, his new beginning for me.

settle down

I've been taken aback by the coldness I've got from you
tell me is it true that I've been nothing at all
But I hold you tight and have a walk in that park we loved,
but the conversation is dry
oh my god i'm trying to keep you in love

But would you,
Settle Down,
Settle Down,
With me now and Forever- Gentle Bones ( Settle Down)

idk what to do anymore. i'm worn out, tired, but i am leaving it to God & yet i'm still holding on,because it's his conviction that hits me to hang on.

Choice

it pretty sums up all my frustration that i had in my previous post. i felt so lost, i felt worn out, i felt tired. i wasn't even sure if i had chose the right person, pick the right choices. i wasn't sure.

we've been through a whole year of hardships, and now we are nothing more, nothing less. I feel hurt because it wasn't what i was expecting it to be, i though we could be more than whatever we are now?

but still after all we have been through, i'm still holding on. because love is making a deliberate choice to love that imperfect person.